Press Release
For Immediate Release
23/09/05
The Craic Society wish to thank everybody who turned up to the extravageansaí yesterday. Unfortunately, it did not go as planned. While various other societies are allowed to drink cans in any manner they choose, we are herded around the campus like pariahs and lepers.
Once again, Craic Soc outsmarted Services. We won’t gloat too much about this however, because it is not a difficult feat. After our initial rendezvous was disrupted by four Gardaí cars and a bunch of services who intimidated and bullied those present, we decided that Top Secret Plan B would be instigated.
Everyone was told to disperse and regroup behind Roebuck Castle at 6pm, where we had a sound system already waiting. Then we cranked that motherfucker up and partied like it was 1993. Craic Soc has no respect for the college authorities and their totalitarian regime. Seig Heil Herr Brady. Further to this, Craic Soc is disgusted at the manner in which the Services harass students and pathetically attempt to nick our booze. Craic Soc calls on all students never to hand over a student card or booze. Even better, steal someone else’s and then hand that one over.
Craic Soc claims responsibility for the crazy redhead who flashed her bountiful breasts at the bar staff and mooned Services as one of our brave valiant soldiers of Craic. Tesie, the redhead in question, was reportedly heard to say, “I really should not have taken all those Class A’s this summer. I saw the guys in trouble and I realised that the only way to distract Services was to flash my tits.”
Craic Soc will not be cowed. We will endeavour to bring Craic back to Belfield. From now on, we intend to use more innovative organisational methods to provide drinking sessions on-campus. José Cappuccino of the Craic Soc Committee said last night, “I would rather have my testicles ravaged by a pack of seething hyenas than have my booze confiscated by those degenerate Services. No-one stands in the way of me getting fucked up! Mark my words, I will personally wreak havoc and revenge on all those responsible for wreckin’ me buzz, man.”
Craic Soc wishes to refute all rumours that we intend applying for recognition. We are recognised en masse by the student body. Society Treasurer Barney was heard to comment last night as he was urinating against a Services van, “Craic Soc breathes a new life into the hearts and minds of disillusioned students who feel let down and ripped off by the large societies.”
Miley from Glenroe, an honourary member of the Craic Soc Committee further claimed, “The Cornettos handed out during Freshers’ Week gave me diarrhoea. I’m not the only one either, there was a queue outside the jacks all night. The kebabs in Abrakebabra are also rumoured to be responsible for this ‘liquid shit’ epidemic”
It’s time to occupy our minds.
Craic Soc.
Ends
